Everytime
by oh sailor
Summary: songfic to Everytime....The eyes that used to look at me with love now pass over me as if I am a ghost. When he doesn't see me,I am a ghost. I don't know who I am without him. [one shot]


A/N wow, two songfics in 1 day…I know that's a lot. But woo-hoo I am totally psyched cuz we've got a SNOW DAY! Mua hahahahaha/ well, anyways, enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: I do now own any characters that are mentioned in the Lizzie McGuire series. The song "Everytime" belongs to Britney Spears

Summary: songfic…L/G and their tattered relationship…get ur tissues out!

_Notice me, take my hand_

_Why are we, strangers when_

_Our love is strong_

_Why carry on without me?_

The car is so quiet, I can actually hear the silence. My handbag clutched on my lap, I do my best not to cry as David Gordon, my supposed "boyfriend", stares dully out of the window; watching the lights of Hillridge fly by. I sigh, placing my hand down on the seat between us, in the age-old middle school hint. _Take my hand Gordo_, I beg silently, imploring him to take my slim fingers in his own, to give me an idea that he still loved me. We are strangers suddenly, two people who do not know each other. _He loves me, he does!_

But what's the use of fighting with myself? I wonder sadly, No body wins.

I slide closer to him, taking one of his hands in mine. He pulls away the instant my hands touched his, as if horrified by my touch. "Lizzie, can I please have some space?" he snaps cruelly, turning back to the window. I lean against the seat, my face burning as if he had slapped me. Where has Gordo gone? I wonder sadly as I rest my forehead against the cool leather. The eyes that I once looked upon me with love now pass over me as if I am a ghost. And when he doesn't see me, I feel like a ghost. I don't know who I am without him.

_Every time I try to fly_

_I fall without my wings_

_I feel so small _

The driver of the limo pulls up in front of my dark, California house. When I bought it, I loved the vast space and the large windows out front. Now, as I open the limo door myself, it seems like a monster waiting to swallow me whole. I stumble out of the car, my long black Valentino couture dress catches on my high heels and I fall to the ground, my hair golden hair clouding my vision.

"Clumsy bitch." I hear Gordo mutter quietly from the backseat. I turn red and take the driver's arm as I stumble to my feet. Without Gordo's arms around me, I feel like a bird whose wings have been clipped. No matter how hard I try, I can't even stand without him. The driver gets into the car and the vehicle slides silently down the street, leaving me alone in front of my house.

_I guess I need you baby_

I always thought I could live on my own despite heartbreak. I boasted to my friends that I never needed a man to make me happy when they cried to me over their latest break ups. But the truth escaped me and there's no hiding it anymore: as Gordo slips through my fingers, I find myself needing him more and more. When I reclaimed my singing career and found the love of my life, I thought things would be perfect. How wrong I was. In the immortal words of my newest hit "Fly"…_In a moment, everything can change_…how right that is. I never thought that things would come to this between us…never thought that this would be the newest celebrity break up.

I groan as I fall with a thump onto the uncomfortable living room couch that Marie, my interior decorator, purchased for me. Of course all of the tabloids had seen our latest fight. There was no escaping the photographers who were making sure they got a good look at my tearstained face and the rage in Gordo's eyes. It would be all over tomorrow's magazines that Lizzie McGuire, 2005's number one artist and David Gordon the Oscar winning actor, were finally breaking up.

_And every time I see you in my dreams_

_I see your face_

_It's haunting me _

I guess I need you baby 

I dream about him now, guilt plaguing my thoughts. What did I do? What did I do? Is the only question that ever runs through my mind. It must have been something that I did, he hasn't done a thing to me. There's nothing I want except him now. I wait at home, praying that the telephone will ring. And every time it does, it's someone I don't want to hear from. My mother, asking me to come to Matt and Miranda's engagement party; US Weekly, begging for an interview on what went wring between us. I can sense my career slipping through the cracks. I canceled an interview with Star Jones Reynolds and postponed a preview of my next album for some contest winners. I knew that I was throwing everything I had worked so hard for away, but I just couldn't go to work. I needed him before I was allowed to spread my wings and fly.

_I make believe_

_That you are here_

_It's the only way_

_I see clear_

_What have I done?_

_You seem to move on easy_

And now I stand in front of my floor length mirror, my long white Grammy dress floating softly behind me. The front is too loose…have I really lost that much weight? The blue diamond "promise ring" that Gordo gave to me two yeas ago glitters on my finger and I burst into tears as I throw it at the mirror. The glass cracks, but does not break and I wince as a sliver of it gets lodged in my hand. A thin line of blood appears, where it falls off my hand and a crimson stain spreads on the hem of my gown. Strangely enough, I do not care that my ten thousand dollar dress is ruined. After all, I'll never wear it again. I take the golden trophy out of my purse and set it on the table, gazing at it with an empty heart. I should be elated about this. After all, Album of the Year is the most coveted award there. But I feel nothing: only remorse that Gordo was not there to walk me up the red carpet. I stare at my now distorted mirror, my face broken into tiny sections. What have I done to my life?

_Every time I try_

_To fly _

_I fall without my wings_

_I feel so small_

_I guess I need you baby_

_And every time I see you_

_In my dreams_

_I see your face, it's haunting me_

_I guess I need you baby_

I collapse on my silk sheets, my nails digging into my arm, blood running down my pale skin. His face haunts my every move, and I know now that I can't live without him.

_I may have made it rain_

_Please forgive me_

_But my weakness caused you pain_

_And this song's my sorry_

There's every reason in the world why I shouldn't be doing this. I have a career, a family, a Grammy. But I can't have it all if I'm not happy. The gun I bought for intruders lies on my desk, black and shining in the moonlight. It is so easy just to pull the trigger. But I have things to clear up…promises to keep. Pulling out a fresh sheet of paper I write in the careful penmanship I haven't used since high school. The lyrics to my newest song…my song for Gordo.

_May 17 2012_

_Dear Everyone,_

_Only one person in the world knows why I'm doing this and that's David Gordon and myself. I do not want to lay the blame on him…it is not his fault that I have chosen to take this path in life. I can't live without you Gordo, so I have chosen to die. I just want to let you know that I will always love you. _

_Always and forever,_

_Elizabeth Brooke McGuire_

_PS. Here are the lyrics to my newest song: there is a CD with the music on top of the piano. I would like this to be the last song on my album. Thank you._

Every time 

_Notice me, take my hand_

_Why are we strangers when_

_Our love is strong_

_Why carry on without me?_

_Every time I try to fly_

_I fall without my wings_

_I feel so small_

_I guess I need you baby_

_And every time I see you in my dreams_

_I see your face, it's haunting me_

_I guess I need you baby_

_I make believe _

_That you are here_

_It's the only way_

_I see clear_

_What have I done?_

_You seem to move on easy_

_Every time I try to fly _

_I fall without my wings_

_I feel so small_

_I guess I need you baby_

_And every time I see you in my dreams_

_I see your face, it's haunting me_

_I guess I need you baby_

_I may have made it rain_

_Please forgive me _

_But my weakness caused you pain_

_And this song's my sorry_

_At night I pray_

_That soon your face will fade away_

_Every time I try to fly_

_I fall without my wings_

_I feel so small_

_I guess I need you baby_

_And every time I see you in my dreams_

_I see your face, it's haunting me_

I guess I need you baby 

I seal the letter and place it on the desk, twirling the gun in my hands. It's not too late… I think, glancing down at my death. I'm holding death in my hands. I could tear up my letter and put my gun away I could take a long hot bath and call a counselor in the morning. And then I catch sight of a picture taken of me and Gordo at the Oscars. We are smiling into the camera, looking so happy it takes my breath away. And I remember how I can't put my world back together again.

_At night I pray_

_That soon your face will fade away_

I press the barrel to my head, his face dancing between my eyes. My life is one ounce of pressure away from being over…one ounce of pressure from taking all the pain away. I press a little harder. And then the world explodes.

_Every time I try _

_To fly I fall without my wings_

_I feel so small_

_I guess I need you baby_

_And every time I see you in my dreams_

_I see your face, it's haunting me_

_I guess I need you baby_


End file.
